When God was a Rabbit - Sarah Winman

 

Rating: ✫✫✫

“‘Do you believe in God, Arthur?” I said, eating the last piece of sponge.

“Do I believe in an old man in the clouds with a white beard judging us mortals with a moral code from one to ten? Good Lord, no, my sweet Elly, I do not! I would have been cast out from this life years ago with my tatty history. Do I believe in a mystery; the unexplained phenomenon that is life itself? The greater something that illuminates inconsequence in our lives; that gives us something to strive for as well as the humility to brush ourselves down and start all over again? Then yes, I do. It is the source of art, of beauty, of love, and proffers the ultimate goodness to mankind. That to me is God. That to me is life. That is what I believe in.”

I listened to the bell again, whispering across the waves, calling, calling. I licked my fingers and scrunched the tin foil up into a ball.

“Do you think a rabbit could be God?” I asked casually.

“There is absolutely no reason at all why a rabbit should not be God.”’

✼

What are my impressions of this book? Well, first of all, it is a unique one. The plot itself is nothing spectacular, but the way it is written makes it far more poignant than I originally suspected. The first half of the book, viewed through Elly's eyes while she experiences childhood, is jumbled, and significant life events are replaced by the random thoughts of a child. I spent most of the first half of the book plodding along, not really sure where the plot was going. 

I would urge anybody in the same boat to keep going. This is a random, messy, confusing story for the first half, but the second half puts everything in perspective. When we rejoin Elly as an adult, we see why these childhood experiences are so important to the story. This is a story about relationships, second chances and consequences. This is a story about faith.

✼

For Elly's birthday, her brother Joe gives her a rabbit, which she names God. God offers Elly the comfort she needs to endure her lonely childhood, along with her brother and her best friend, Jenny Penny. But some things aren't easy to hide away, and dark secrets from Elly's childhood continue to make her feel isolated, especially when the family move to a new place where Elly feels even more alone.

 Fast forward to Elly's adulthood, and she isn't faring much better. She reconnects with her brother and her childhood friend, but memories of her dark and lonely childhood mean she struggles to engage with her family. Will Elly ever be able to overcome her past? And can a tragic incident spark a light at the end of the tunnel?

*spoiler alert*

The Story

This is an incredibly easy book to read, and I loved that. But it did take me a long time to understand exactly what was going on. It's a really odd book, which doesn't follow the usual plot pattern. 75 pages in and I had no idea what the plot even was... There are just so many different elements to the story that it seemed very jumbled. It definitely represents the distractions of a child's mind; Elly moves from subject to subject sporadically, often talking about insignificant things in place of larger problems. There is a long discussion, for example, about her brother playing rugby, but very little about what really happened with Mr Golan. Elly's parents appear to have no problems, and she connects the new car with their separation. We know this cannot be the only thing to cause a separation, but Elly doesn't comprehend this, and it's clear to the reader that we are viewing distorted facts through the eyes of a child.

And then we see the truth behind all the scrambled information, through one simple quote:

"The emptiness above was now mine within. It was a part of me, like a freckle, like a bruise. Like a middle name no one acknowledged."

The entire point of the story. Poor Elly is utterly lonely, and we now see the dark truths amidst the scattered thoughts during the first half of the story. Mr Golan's actions affected Elly more than she realised at the time, and she confides in only one person: Joe. But Joe cannot take the pain away, especially when he is also struggling, coming to terms with his sexuality. For this reason, I love the addition of the rabbit. I love that Elly calls it God. And I love that this inspired the title of the book. The blurb on the book says this is a book about a brother and sister. And it is. But it's also a book about faith. Having faith in people to support you; having faith that things can get better. God talks to Elly, even if only in her head. You can see the support Elly gets from this, and the rabbit's death marks the loss of this support; the need to seek support elsewhere.

✼

Elly's main relationships are with her brother, Joe, and her best friend, Jenny Penny. Jenny Penny clearly has a lot else on her mind when she is young, and so she doesn't necessarily provide much support during Elly's lows. Then, of course, they are separated when Elly moves with her family to a new area. Elly's reconnection with Jenny Penny is, I believe, really significant to the story. She stands as a symbol of what Elly suffers; Jenny faces imprisonment because of the dreadful actions of an older man. Elly faces mental torment because of the same thing. Jenny unconsciously shows Elly that she should not blame herself, and I feel that her reconnection with her friend is the best possible thing for Elly's healing.

The other significant relationship in Elly's life is with her brother, Joe. They are incredibly close, and this continues into adulthood, despite the physical distance between them. I was just plodding along with the story, finding it easy to read but not entirely convinced I was enjoying it. Then we reach adult Elly's life, and things changed rapidly. The intensity of Elly's relationships deepen, and her tone of voice becomes more reserved. It's clear that she carries with her a huge weight. I wasn't sure upon reaching the second half of the book if I was going to even finish it. I'm very glad that I did. The second half really puts all the details of the first half of the story into perspective, and I finally saw exactly what the point of the story was.

The characters also gained much more depth towards the end of the story. Joe's unstable relationship with Charlie reaches a height, and also adds some much needed romance to the book. I was glad to see somebody get a 'happy ending'. Then there is Arthur, who had to be my favourite character. We learn a lot more about him and Ginger towards the end, and they highlight the generational gap between themselves and the other characters. It's clear that these characters have been inserted to demonstrate that although life moves on, it can still be beautiful; and even if you are alone, you don't have to be lonely.

The only really noticeable, 'structured' plot is right at the very end, surrounding the 9/11 incident and Joe's subsequent amnesia. This was, in my opinion, very random, but it was a definite climax for the novel. After so long just kind of milling around, we finally reached some plot progression, and very welcome it was too. It gave some structure to the book, where everywhere else it lacked. However this also meant that this sudden burst of structured plot felt very out of place. The rest of the book had been so unstructured, so random, and so (for want of a better word) messy, that I can't help but feel that this ending completely took away from the very point of Elly's hazy narrative. I can see the idea behind it, of course. It allowed Joe to reveal Elly's secret to her family without him actually being responsible for doing so. But it spoilt that very unique narrative that had been so built up for so long. It seemed like the ending to an entirely different novel, and I wasn't convinced by it.

✼

It's a shame about the ending, because, looking back, I actually see the beauty in the unusual writing style. Admittedly, it took me a long time to get to that appreciation, but I did. There was something so simple about the technique, especially when written from Elly's childlike perspective. And although the style changed to reflect the age difference in the latter half of the book, it was still noticeably the same narrator. This wasn't so with the final few chapters. They weren't as sporadic, and they focused heavily on facts, such as the times, dates and locations of certain events. Very different from the original narrator, who focused more on emotions and was more likely to notice irrelevant details than important ones. It was almost as if the end of the novel had been written by somebody else entirely, who didn't quite 'get' the style that had carried the rest of the book.

I'm also not sure it entirely wrapped up the whole premise behind the story; the ramifications of Elly's dealings with Mr Golan. Joe spills her secret, yes, and her family are supportive. But that's just it, then. The book ends, and we are none the wiser as to what happens next. I thought it was really poignant watching Elly through the years, coming to terms with how best to move on. I don't like the idea that once her secret is shared, there's nothing left to say. I understand that this book didn't necessarily state that, but I got the impression that the story was done, which I don't believe to necessarily be the case. She would perhaps have gained a little more closure from these events, but I imagine Elly would be far from feeling that things were settled.

The Verdict

This has been by far the hardest review I have written to date. I imagine that my thoughts read as just as sporadic, messy and unstructured as the very book I'm trying to review. It's incredibly difficult to organise your thoughts with a book such as this. I can't write a section solely on characters, because anything I have to say would just be repeated when I discussed the plot. I can't focus on style, because the style of writing weighs heavily on the actual story.

So you see my conundrum.

This book was one of a kind. The narrative was very unusual, and it took me a long time to get a grasp of what the actual plot was. When I finally did, the incident at the end seemed to knock the rest of the book out of sync. The characters were also quite slippery. We never really get to know any of them very well, because we see them with the detachment that Elly feels with the world. This also means we don't really get to know Elly. It's hard to invest yourself in characters who you never really feel you know, so this book did a fair job with what it had. 

I don't think I'd ever read it again, but I enjoyed it for what it was. It showed the impact of Mr Golan on Elly's life, without ever actually discussing it. We see the constant sadness that Elly deals with, but she never says a word. It's a very interesting way of doing it - an author's version of an artist's 'negative space'; highlighting what isn't there so you form a picture of what is. I just feel that this wasn't always successful. The change in style, the distance from the characters, and the confusing nature of the entire story. It was interesting, but I would hesitate to call it a really good book.